Two Weeks as a Mom of Two (Under 2)

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Two weeks is not a particularly long amount of time, I acknowledge that. However, I feel we have settled in a bit in the past two weeks and I want to record some of my reflections on this time. The first weeks with a newborn are intense and I know the details of these days will someday be forgotten. I will transition, I hope, someday to three and then more than that, but the transition to two is unique in many ways.

Here are some of my reflections on two weeks as a mom of two under two.

It has been hard… but not my hardest weeks of parenting

Hands down for us the transition from 0-1 was worlds harder than the transition from 1-2. I am a more confident mom the second time. I threw out a lot of the “rules” around babies and am just enjoying her this time. I’m not stressing if she nurses to sleep and contact naps for every nap. I’m not trying to get her on a schedule- it’s liberating!

That’s not to say this transition isn’t intense in its own ways. It has been challenging. I got quite sick immediately after bringing her home which made it much harder as well. This is one of the worst periods of sleep I’ve had in parenting if not the worst. I knew babies wanted to be held all the time, but I still didn’t expect her absolute refusal of our side car bassinet. It’s definitely a challenge that my son falls asleep and I pull out my computer to do something (like write this blog post) and she immediately wants to eat. I’m getting less done than I did before for sure. I’m working on accepting that part of this season.

But these past two weeks have not been my hardest weeks of parenting.

I am not sure exactly which weeks I would put down as the hardest, but I know it’s not these past two, even with recovering from postpartum and getting sick. I have almost certainly not yet experienced my truly hardest week of parenting but I think that would be true whether I had a second or not. This brings me to thought number two, one I have seen others share and love.

The easiest number of kids is one less than you currently have

Unless your first were twins you’ve probably experienced a parent of more than one dismissing your challenges with one because it’s not as difficult as more children. This is a reason I want to write these reflections right now because I am dedicated to not being that parent who dismisses the challenges of parents of one or plays “I have it harder” Olympics. Parenting is hard, no matter how many children you have. Yes, spending a day with just my first right now sounds pretty much like a vacation. Spending a day with just my newborn doesn’t quite sound like a vacation but it definitely sounds easier than a day with both of them.

Does that diminish the difficulty of parenting just my first a few weeks or months ago? Not at all. Parenting one was incredibly challenging too. And again as I said, these have definitely not been my hardest weeks of parenthood.

Not comparing is important, but it’s hard!

I’m trying so hard not to compare my two children, to not start labeling my newborn in certain ways because of how she is different than her brother. They are unique people with unique needs. Obviously, I know the issues with comparison. And, it’s hard!

I find myself constantly thinking back to how the experience was with my first. I shaped my expectations for number two this time not on books like I did last time but on my first experience and I have to unlearn many of those expectations just as I did with the books last time. He was more predictable in the early weeks, cried less, etc. While these facts are true, I am trying my best to let go of the comparisons and meet her where she is. It doesn’t achieve anything for me to be comparing and it often leads to projecting onto the future how they will be… not helpful at all.

My son LOVES her

I am really proud of how we prepared my son for my daughter’s birth. You can read about what we did here. I was not sure how useful it would all be since he is still pretty young but it definitely was. He loves her, a lot. This does not come without challenges though. While he is very gentle most of the time we are very much navigating him waking her up because he wants to hold her ALL THE TIME. The Topponcino has been a game changer for him being able to hold her. My mom made it according to the directions on the Topponcino website.

One thing that makes this transition more challenging than many others is that he can not be left alone with the baby for a second, no matter how gentle he is. So while when my first was a baby I would be able to leave him for a moment if he was content to run to the bathroom, I can’t do that now. Someday when I transition to another it will be different again because I will have an older child who can supervise for a moment or two.

His love for her also means me putting in some effort to make sure her space and concentration are respected. This does not mean a quiet house. I do not tell him to be quiet while she is sleeping, for example. We are, however, working on when it is okay to touch her and when it isn’t. Sweet moments like the top of this page are happening, where they are both concentrated, but they often take some guidance from me. Concentration, beginning at birth, is an important aspect of Montessori. Though she won’t have the tranquil environment my son had as a first child, when she is looking at a mobile intently (or just contentedly watching whatever) I try to take that time to either hang out with my son or help him find an activity that doesn’t involve touching her. The sweetest part is if she begins to fuss, he runs over to her, “baby sister sad. Gentle hands” and tries to comfort her.

I have appreciated how helpful he is too. Yitzchak loves practical life so it doesn’t surprise me that he loves being involved in her care as well. Of course, this is always an invitation, never an expectation. He loves to go grab her diapers, for example. He also is old enough now he can (and loves to) bring me things when needed. He has brought my forgotten towel to the bathroom, brought me many burp clothes, and brought my water bottle, to name a few.

The picture below pretty much sums up my camera roll from the last two weeks. I’m so grateful he loves her though.

Thank goodness for babywearing

I truly don’t know how I would survive without babywearing. My little girl loves being held, particularly upright so the carrier is a very happy place for her. I can cook with my toddler while wearing her and everyone is happy. We ended up not even setting up the bassinet attachment on the stroller and I’m just using the wrap all the time. This is the wrap I’m using. On my agenda is a post all about Montessori and babywearing so stay tuned for that!

In conclusion

The transition has been much smoother than I anticipated. We hear all the time how wild two under two is. I knew this transition might be incredibly intense and I got a bit intimidated by people’s warnings of the difficulty. I know times will likely get more challenging particularly when she is on the move. However, I will have had months to settle into being a mom of two before then. Overall, I feel this age gap (21 months) was perfect for our family and I am really looking forward to seeing their relationship develop. Everyone’s experience is different. For some, this is the most intense transition. For us, I felt so much more prepared than I was last time. Temperament also definitely plays a role. I am not sure if my toddler had a different temperament if I would have been as ready when I was.

I truly feel so grateful to be where I am now. My heart feels so full with these two and I feel a sense of gratitude and contentment I don’t know if I have felt as strongly many other times. I feel so happy to be where we are.