Toilet Learning the Montessori Way
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Somewhere around the second year of their child’s life the words “potty training” start to enter the thoughts of parents, often with a sense of imminent dread. The Montessori approach to toilet learning, however, is quite different than traditional potty training. It is not a process you do in a weekend or even a week. I’ve heard a certain very popular potty training book referred to as the “Montessori way” because it eschews rewards and punishments, but the true Montessori way follows the child and thus is not an intense BootCamp. Read below for more about the Montessori approach to toilet learning.
UPDATE: This post was written when my son was 17 months old. At 21 months we made the full transition away from diapers except for sleep. It went incredibly smoothly.
Readiness
There is a huge debate in the child development world on what constitutes toilet readiness. The Montessori method generally views readiness as earlier than many others. This is not because children are being forced to do this earlier, but because the Montessori method on this is simply different. The Montessori method is based on preparing the environment and inviting a child. It also doesn’t expect that there will quickly be no accidents.
Most in Montessori view the beginning of readiness at around a year. At this point, the child is not able to control their bladder or bowels but might start showing interest in the potty. Toddlers are generally keenly interested in what adults are doing and the bathroom is no different. At this point, it is a great time to prepare the environment for toilet learning if you have not done so already. (We actually started with toilet awareness around 6 months where we would offer opportunities on the potty after he woke up, at diaper changes, and after meals- this is not necessarily the Montessori approach but is well-aligned and recommended by some Montessori experts). Since the Montessori method is not forcing children to use the potty but making it an opportunity, this is a great time to start offering.
In the coming months children often start staying dry longer, often show more interest in the potty, and possibly even communicate when they are going. This is another stage of readiness and when many begin to move away from diapers. Children generally gain more control over their bodily functions in these months.
Montessorians also consider there to be a sensitive period for toilet learning. Sensitive periods are a time when it is easier to learn something because there is an intense interest in it. The sensitive period for toilet learning is considered to be in the second year of life. Different Montessori experts put the range anywhere from 12 months at the early end to 2 1/2 at the later end, but many say it begins around 18 months or ends around 2 years. Every child is different though and enters sensitive periods at their own pace.
Prior to the Toileting Process
In many ways, Montessori prepares for toilet learning well before the introduction of a potty. Narrating what is going on is a simple way that prepares children for toilet learning, saying matter of factly that the baby’s diaper is soiled, for example (no shaming or making this seem like a gross thing though!). This can be done from birth.
Standing diaper changes which are often introduced around when the child can confidently stand are also a way to make the child more involved in the diapering process. Even prior to that they are often done on the floor from when the child can move so as to let them be more active in the process. In Montessori, we invite children to be as involved as they can and want to be so this might include things like throwing out a diaper and pulling down their pants.
Diaper changes are also often done in the bathroom to build the association between bodily functions and the bathroom.
We also prepare the environment ideally a bit before any sort of formal introduction to toileting is made.
Preparing The Environment
Like most things in Montessori toilet learning begins with preparing the environment. A small potty is a great way to start. Though there are rings you can use for the big toilet this is often not as good for the small size of a toddler. Little potties at their size offer more independence and involvement in the process. This is the one we use though we did not install batteries for the fake flushing sound. You also may want a travel potty. We keep this one in our stroller.
An important step in the Montessori method I will talk about is moving away from diapers to underwear. Purchasing underwear and having them available is another step in preparing the environment. We bought both regular underwear and training pants (which I will discuss more about below).
A step stool to make the sink accessible is another step in preparing the environment. We bought a folding one since we have a small bathroom. Toilet learning is a process that we want led by the child as much as possible and we want to give them the independence to do things like get to the sink rather than having to be lifted. It definitely makes hand washing easier.
I would also get a few books for the toileting area. Getting a couple of books about the potty can be a good idea to build interest in the process. Montessori prefers reality-based books, ideally with real photos. Here are some of my favorite books about the potty:
Suho Goes to Pee and Suho Goes to Poop (code OnTheWay10 for 10% off): reality-based with real photos and a simple, accurate description of the process
Ready to go Pee and Ready to Go Poop: these books are great and available either as an added book bundle on a Lovevery subscription or as part of their potty course. I cannot vouch for the potty course as I have not tried it. The books are solid but similar enough to the ones linked above that if you’re not a Lovevery subscriber you won’t miss out.
Once Upon a Potty: not as realistic as the others but an older favorite before the others came out in the Montessori world
I would avoid going overboard with books on the topic as it can create pressure. A few good books on it should be enough. The books we keep in the bathroom though are not special toilet books. We keep a couple books in there that were previously water damaged.
A small hamper for soiled clothing is also a good idea as accidents are expected.
Inviting the Child to Sit on the Potty
Once the small potty is introduced we can start inviting the child to sit on the potty. We started by inviting him at certain times in the routine (right after getting up, after meals, at diaper changes). We made it a positive experience by reading books together. At this point there was absolutely no expectation he would ever be dry between potty opportunities. It was simply about giving him the opportunity and making it a familiar and positive experience. I also found it avoided some of the fears of the potty that are common. We don’t want to force a child to sit on the potty.
We eventually moved to more opportunities as he was showing more readiness. Sings of readiness I looked for were staying dry for a couple of hours and signing “potty” when he needed to go, etc. Now I try to give an opportunity about every 30-45 minutes. I will invite him to choose a book and go sit on the potty. Often if I need to go to the bathroom I will also invite him to sit on the little potty while I sit on the big one. I would not interrupt him if he is involved in something but wait for a natural break. He is almost always happy to go and sit and read.
Having the potty as part of the daily routine makes things far easier. He is used to sitting on it at certain times of the day; it is just part of the routine.
Moving to Underwear
Generally in Montessori, the small potty is introduced before underwear. Again, the Montessori method seeks to follow the child’s natural interest in bodily functions and using the toilet how adults do rather than getting out of diapers as quickly as possible. However, modern disposable diapers are really effective at keeping children from feeling wet and can make it difficult to move to children identifying their wetness. Cloth diapers can make this easier for children, but time without diapers makes it easier still.
We used cloth diapers during the day from around 4 months. At around 16 months we switched to training pants and underwear most of the time. We still use diapers for sleep and occasionally on longer outings (but less so now at 17 months). Some Montessori experts, including the program where I got my Montessori certification, recommend not using training pants but instead using underwear so they can identify wetness better. I found there was no problem in being able to identify wetness in training pants so we personally use them, particularly when out of the house. In the house we also use plain underwear. These make it easier for me to see wetness right away.
We switched to underwear at the point that two things were happening: he was often dry for 2-3 hours and would even be dry between potty opportunities if they were frequent enough and he was signing “potty.” Though it was far from consistent he would occasionally sign when he needed to go.
Many also have their child go bare-bottomed at home. Our preference was for him to wear underwear at home but that is a popular method. Since I was seeing this as a long process it just didn’t make sense to me to have that stress all the time.
No Rewards, No Punishments
The Montessori method for toilet learning does not use rewards for going in the potty and does not punish or ridicule a child for having an accident. Children are also not excessively praised for going.
When a child does go in the potty we can comment on how they went on the potty and now we get to clean the potty. My son helps me clean out his little potty into the big toilet which he LOVES to do. He then gets to flush it. This is all a natural reward rather than something like a sticker or a piece of candy.
If a child has an accident we matter of factly point out that they are wet or soiled and need to be changed. We also involve them in cleaning up as much as possible. In all parts of the process, the goal is to involve the child without shame.
At Their Pace
While the Montessori method does begin earlier than many other toilet learning or toilet training methods it is important to remember it is a long process that is meant to follow the child’s lead. We do not expect a child to be fully accident-free in days or weeks. Regressions are also expected and normal. If you’re looking to get your child fully potty trained as early as possible this is probably not the method.
And as always, a reminder that every child is different. Some children may go through the sensitive period for toilet learning earlier or later than other children. We want to make sure we are following the child’s interest and never forcing them.
It is important to note that this is not the right approach for everyone. I work from home part-time on my schedule. My husband also works from home. If our child was in childcare, for example, I would probably still introduce the potty but wait until significantly older to drop diapers.
