Is Montessori all About Independence?

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I used to get asked a lot why my son is seemingly independent in so many things but I lie with him as he falls asleep. I get that this doesn’t seem to make sense to many people. 

But I think it comes down to that my goal isn’t really independence. What is my goal? Autonomy. 

These two words are often used interchangeably but have different meanings. Independence refers to not needing or not influenced by outside forces. Autonomy refers to being self-directed or self-governed. 

Independence is very valued in American society, including for young babies. We value babies sleeping independently in their own beds or even their own rooms from a very young age. We value independent play as, at times, seemingly the end all be all of toddler parenting. When people see me baby wearing they worry my baby will be too attached, not independent enough. I don’t want or need my toddler to be independent though. People are interdependent. Though we naturally become more independent as we become older and grow into adults, even as adults we are influenced by and need others. 

Autonomy on the other hand refers to being self-directed. It is an internal drive. The focus is on the power of the individual. When I allow my toddler to make choices I am giving him autonomy. When I teach him the skills of self-dressing I am giving him autonomy over his body. Allowing a child to play how they wish within the confines of safety is autonomy, whereas expecting them to go play in the other room so you can get things done is expecting independence. 

I actually think what is valued in Montessori is far more autonomy than independence. In fact, if you pay attention to the Montessori curriculum as a whole you find it really isn’t much about independence at all, though functional independent skills definitely are taught early.

The practical life skills he learns are based on his own desire to learn these things, to be involved and part of the team, to act for himself. While it does mean he can do things like prepare a snack independently, that independence is always on his schedule. Montessori did not introduce practical life tasks so that toddlers could be independent of adults but because she observed toddlers were naturally drawn to these tasks.

“We do not teach the children these things [practical life activities] to make little servants of them, but because we have observed that of their own accord children actually take the greatest interest in perfecting all the movements of daily life. ” Dr. Maria Montessori

We can’t deny that Dr. Montessori was right about this. Look down any toy aisle and you see pretend cleaning and cooking supplies galore.

I have also noticed so often it is interdependence, not independence my toddler is seeking. He will run to grab a plate or bowl for his little sister and then ask me to get him his. He loves being part of the team. He still wants and needs to depend on me. Dr. Montessori noted that children are happiest when they are involved in the everyday life of adults. This is not independence really but interdependence.

I think regularly of the Montessori quote “never help a child at a task at which he feels he can succeed.” Often the second half of this quote is left off to promote the idea we need to push our children to independence. I actually think, however, this quote is about giving children the autonomy to do things without our interference when they are driven to do them. And when they ask for our help? That’s okay too. They are driven to have that autonomy but they don’t need to be independent. 

There are times Montessori uses the word independence (though it should be noted that her works are translated so words are not exact). One example is, “Any child who is self-sufficient, who can tie his shoes, dress or undress himself, reflects in his joy and sense of achievement the image of human dignity, which is derived from a sense of independence.” This is speaking of functional independence of dressing yourself but I think it is really talking about autonomy. She focuses on the human dignity and sense of power from within that a toddler feels when he or she is given the ability to control his or her body. This to me sounds like autonomy. It is definitely not talking about the emotional independence that is often pushed in the United States (sleep by yourself, play by yourself).

The floor bed comes as another example to me of autonomy rather than independence. Montessori writes about the floor bed as a positive because it allows the child to sleep and rise when they wish. Montessori had some stuff to say about cribs feeling that they were designed for the benefit of the adult rather than the child. She wrote that children were forced to sleep longer than necessary. On the other hand, she wrote that a low bed on the floor gave children freedom during the night as during the day. Children could go to bed when tired and wake when ready.

In Montessori Speaks to Parents, a collection of lectures for parents, she wrote of the floor bed, “Before he could talk, when he was only 10 months old, he was given his own room, where he was free to engage in his own activities. Perhaps you will be surprised when I tell you what the room contained: in the centre of the floor was a carpet, in one corner was Felicino’s bed – not a cot with high railings to keep him shut up in a cage, but a low bed – and in another corner his mother’s bed, which consisted of a mattress on the floor”. 

This quote is fascinating because it starts off discussing how Felicino had his own room, but you read a little further and find, no, in fact, the mother shared the room. The room, however, was designed to be safe for him to explore as he wished. And anyone who has a crawling 10-month-old knows if you’re both in low beds on the floor, your baby is coming to you as well! Though so often I hear the floor bed talked about as the Montessori way of promoting independent sleep, this situation Montessori is so impressed with here does not show an image of independent sleep at all. It is, however, showing a child given autonomy.

We nurse and snuggle to sleep but love the floor bed. In fact, the floor bed better allows us to support to sleep as well as to join our children in the middle of the night to help them back to sleep. My son loved it so much more than the crib we started him in not because it gave him independence, but, I believe, because it gave him autonomy.

There you have several examples of why I believe Montessori is really more about autonomy than independence but there are also a couple reasons I believe independence in the American way of thinking is not what Montessori was discussing at all.

Cosmic education is a large part of the elementary Montessori curriculum. A big aim of cosmic education is to teach the interconnectedness of the world. As part of this children can leave the classroom and go out into their communities. The goal of this education is for the child to learn the interdependence of the world. Children learn their place in the world so they can contribute.

Even in primary where children are more likely to be working by themselves, care of others is part of the practical life curriculum. Montessori further talked about how children would do many tasks by themselves in the children’s house, but if a child spilled something or otherwise needed help, others would come to help. Children do often work on tasks together in Montessori classrooms. In the early years much is done each child by themselves because children are engaged in parallel play at this stage. As children become more interested in play with others, they can and will do their work together.

Finally, the last reason why I think independence in the way we often think of it is not what Montessori is speaking about is because Montessori placed a great emphasis on respecting the child. To me, it is respectful to help a child who is for asking for help. My children, often in cries more than words, ask that I help them to sleep. I believe responding to those cries shows respect. The same goes for play. Though I won’t always go play with my children because they ask, I will always offer connection and welcome them to join me.

So, is Montessori all about independence? I don’t really think so. I think while independence is often used to describe what is taught in Montessori, autonomy is a far more accurate term. The independence given to children in Montessori is markedly different than the independent sleep and play so often pushed in American society.