How to Help Your Toddler Adjust to a New Sibling

how to prepare your toddler for a new sibling

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you buy through my link but does not change your price.

We are almost 1 year out from when we welcomed our second child into our home. One year ago one of my biggest fears was my toddler really struggling with the transition to being a big brother. We spent a lot of time preparing him though and the transition went so much better than I could have expected. This blog post shares some of the top things we did to help our toddler adjust to life with a new sibling.

Prepare Them

Step one is to introduce the idea of a new sibling to your toddler. We did this by talking about babies when we saw them and then reading books about getting a new sibling. You can see all my favorite books about new siblings here. We also made a social story about the transition. Social stories are incredibly helpful because they tell your child what is going to happen and they are the star of the show! My biggest source of nerves was the hospital stay itself because my toddler had never been away from me. We made a social story for that and it went very well. I sell social story templates if you are interested in making your own but don’t want to start from scratch!

Involve Them in Preparations

Another step before the baby is born is to involve them in preparations. This was important when my son was 20 months and we were preparing for his baby sister but if she was born now it would be even more crucial. Toddlers often struggle with changes in their environment but including them can make the process a lot easier. Let your toddler help build the bassinet, set up the movement area, and choose some toys to put out for the baby.

The First Meeting

When the time comes for the much-awaited first meeting consider what will go best for your toddler. My recommendation (and advice I am grateful was given to me) is to not be holding the baby when you first see your toddler after the baby is born. Many will place the baby in a bassinet while their toddler enters. Our baby did not like the bassinet. What we did is have me go into the bedroom to await my older son. Then once I had some cuddles with him my husband came in from the other room with our new baby. At this point, my son was very ready to see his baby sister! It can be hard if after a separation your toddler comes back to you holding the new baby. I felt this helped with preventing any immediate jealousy due to my attention being turned.

Prioritize One-on-One Time

You don’t need a huge amount of one-on-one time with your toddler but 10-15 minutes a day makes a huge difference. When my baby was first born my son didn’t care if she was in the wrap asleep during this time. As she got a bit older it became clear he needed a little time truly just us. Dad takes the baby and my toddler gets some uninterrupted special time: no phones, no distractions and following his lead for what he wants to do. I notice a huge difference in my son when he does and doesn’t get this time.

Don’t Blame the Baby

This is simple advice but can be a little challenging when the reality is the baby is why you can’t do anything. However, we always tried to not blame the baby when we couldn’t do something with our toddler. Instead of “I can’t play with you right now. I’m feeding the baby” we would say “I would love to play with you in a few minutes. For now, would you like to read a book together?”

Narrate to the Baby

One of my favorite tips to give both children attention is to narrate to the baby what the toddler is doing. This lets him or her feel seen and gives your baby that wonderful face-to-face conversation. I will tell my baby what I see big brother doing: “Wow, he just built such a high block tower. I wonder what he will do next. Oh, it looks like he is going to knock it down. Bam!”

Tell Their Love Story

Explicitly building the love story between my two children has made a huge difference. I point out when my baby is looking at my toddler or when she is reaching out her hand to hold his. I say how she loves her big brother. I say how lucky she is when he does something nice to her. To me, this is about building a positive narrative into their relationship and breathing goodness into it. It has worked incredibly well for my little ones.

Let Your Older Child Still be a Baby, Too

Remember that the introduction of a new sibling is a huge change for your older child. Let them still be a baby too. They might regress in some behaviors and need this babying even more. I always tell my older son that he is also my baby and now we have two babies. He loves this and will say “two babies” all the time, especially when they are doing something together.

Focus on the Yes

Try to tell your toddler what they can do rather than what they can’t do. Maybe your toddler can’t hold the baby this instance but can he hold her hand or give a kiss or lie next to her? Try to give lots of ways your toddler can interact instead of focusing on the things they can’t do whether in this specific instance or at all.

Remember, It’s Probably Normal

Your toddler might not be thrilled about the addition of a new baby. You might be resentful of your toddler for taking the special time from you and your newborn. Or you may be resentful of your newborn for changing the dynamics with your toddler. You likely will see your toddler as suddenly giant after the birth of your baby. I have received hundreds of DMs of all these situations. Remember, introducing a new sibling is a big change for everyone and there are so many normal feelings you might be feeling. Give everyone in the situation grace. The most important thing is keeping everyone safe.